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Barbaric YAWP Girl

~ I'm tired of being silent. I'm stepping into the light, and I'm bringing the truth with me.

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Category Archives: Rape Culture

Larry Nassar, Penn State, and Our Double Standard on Sexual Abuse

23 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by Christina-Marie in gender bias, jerry sandusky, Justice, larry nassar, Michigan State University, penn state, Rape Culture, Uncategorized, USA Gymnastics

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gender bias, jerry sandusky, Justice, larry nassar, Michigan State University, Rape Culture, USA Gymnastics

Author’s note: This post speaks of gender in a binary way, to illustrate the marked difference in media coverage between cases involving cis male-dominated sports and cis female-dominated sports. It is not my intention to overlook or deny that abuse of nonbinary, trans, and genderqueer children and adults occurs. Rather, it is my contention that such abuses are occurring against members of these demographics at an alarming rate. Nonbinary/trans/genderqueer folks are marginalized and silenced even more greatly than cis females, and while this piece is intended to analyze one particular (binary) gender dichotomy, it is not a comprehensive discussion of marginalization among gender groups. Perhaps that greater discussion deserves its own post. /

 

Me: Know what really bothers me about this whole thing with Larry Nassar?

Person I’m talking to: Who?

Me: Yes. That. That’s what really bothers me.

Let’s talk about Larry Nassar, USA Gymnastics, and Michigan State University — and how this case compares to Jerry Sandusky and Penn State’s own child sex abuse scandal.

The magnitude of this child sex abuse case is staggering. It’s the BIGGEST case of its kind, in recent sports history… but seemingly, no one’s heard of it.

Over 150 victims have come forward to speak about the abuse they suffered, as children, at the hands of Larry Nassar. That’s around ten times more victims than spoke about Jerry Sandusky at Penn State.

Larry Nassar created and kept video footage of him molesting some of his victims, giving definitive proof of at least some of his crimes, while Jerry Sandusky’s conviction relied most heavily on the testimony of his victims, and a scant few eyewitnesses.

 

Unlike Jerry Sandusky — who still professes his innocence — Larry Nassar has pled guilty to at least some of the charges and counts against him

While Jerry Sandusky used the prestige of his position and connections at Penn State to groom and abuse his victims (and their families), Larry Nassar often sexually abused the children in his care during the course of what he called “legitimate medical care.” He was a respected and trusted athletic physician, in the eyes of gymnast families, having worked with more than one Olympic gymnast, and being affiliated with successful gymnastics programs and organizations.

And yet… many people haven’t heard about the many victims of Larry Nassar or, at least, haven’t really followed the story.

But… we were Penn State scandal-obsessed when the news finally broke about Sandusky. EVERYONE was talking about it.

Why?

I have some theories:

1. Who cares about gymnastics?

Everyone, it seems, cares about college football. Football seems to be one of those “untouchable,” deified entities. When college football is tarnished, America itself is tarnished.

Gymnastics remains, largely, a world and culture which exists off the radar of those who aren’t personally entrenched in it — except once every four years, when we breathlessly watch the Olympic Games.

2. It’s a girls’ sport.

Gymnastics is, largely, considered a “female” sport. While male gymnasts are greatly talented, ask the average person to name as many notable male gymnasts as they can, and they might give you… one or two? Ask that same person to name notable female gymnasts, and they’ll likely produce many more names.

And the truth is, we still largely see athletics — as a whole —  as “masculine.” Therefore, we diminish the physicality, discipline, and value of female athletes. After all, sports are for males, right?

Women’s sports receive less coverage, less funding, and less attention. Female professional athletes are paid far less than their male counterparts.

So, when a women’s sport becomes news, it’s not likely to make media waves as large as when a men’s sport does — whether it’s being noted for victory, or scandal.

3. We expect girls to be victims.

Our society still holds a double-standard when it comes to sexual abuse and our boys, and I think it has a lot to do with how we view masculinity, femininity, and gender roles.

We expect girls to be submissive (“Be a good little girl, and __________.”). We expect them to be compliant.

We expect them to hold back from asserting their body autonomy (“Remember to smile!” “Keep your ankles crossed when you sit.”). We expect them to be demure, and in control of their bodies at all times (“Don’t fidget.” “Act like a lady.”).

We expect boys to develop a sense of authority. We expect them to be tough. We expect them to be assertive, and self-confident. And, it seems, all the rules for girls don’t apply to boys. We don’t tell them a smile is their greatest accessory. We don’t tell them how to sit with grace. And, when we do tell them how to act, we tell them to “Act like a man,” meaning, “Don’t be weak. Don’t be soft. Don’t be emotional.” Anything else, we sweep under the rug with a shrug, a laugh, and a “Boys will be boys!”

And so, it rocks us in a way we don’t know how to deal with when our boys become victims, because they aren’t expected to become victims. They’re supposed to be stronger. They’re supposed to be powerful in a way we don’t expect of girls.

A man preying on young girls isn’t good. It’s not okay. It’s not excusable. But… maybe we can kind of, in a long, roundabout way, understand how a sick man might end up there, in a society which conflates femininity, youth, and sex appeal. In a society where content searches for barely-legal “teen” porn top every other genre on top porn sites.

In the course of his position as a doctor for various gymnast organizations, Larry Nassar would — even under legitimate circumstances — have close physical contact with his patients, who were young girls. We can see him taking advantage of that close physical contact. It’s not palatable. It’s not excusable, but we can see it.

But a man who preys on young boys? We just can’t, even! We’ve been conditioned to think men like that only exist in the loner, outlier, grotesque form of Jeffrey Dahmer, or the possibly sexually frustrated or repressed, like some priests in the Catholic Church child sex abuse scandal.

Society isn’t as willing to accept that a man who is revered by his community, long-married to a supportive wife, and seemingly an advocate for youth can also be a pedophile and serial (male) child abuser, so when a man like Jerry Sandusky is exposed, it’s a huge shock, and it gets everyone talking, while a man who serially abuses female children is almost yawn-worthy.

4. We don’t teach girls to use their voices, so it makes us uncomfortable when they do.

This study is eye-opening, as regards the way females and males are conditioned to operate with classroom settings. It finds, among other things, female students may be:

  • less likely to raise their hands immediately in response to initial questions than their male counterparts
  • less likely to call out and demand the teacher’s attention
  • less likely to receive peers’ approval if they do “break rules” and speak out in class frequently without being called on
  • less likely to receive feedback, whether praise, help, or criticism
  • less likely to have their comments credited, developed, adopted, or even remembered by the group
  • more likely to be interrupted when they speak or to have other students answer questions directed to them.

Such patterns continue past elementary, high school, and college classes to business meetings and boardrooms. Recognizing such patterns and working to counteract them can help make women and men more effective speakers and listeners.

[Emphasis mine.]

 

There’s more:

The study also found that females are more likely than their male counterparts to:

  • make shorter and quieter statements
  • present their statements in a more hesitant, indirect, or “polite” manner or use “I” statements (“I guess . . .,” “I was wondering if . . .”)
  • qualify their statements (“sort of,” “maybe,” “perhaps”)
  • add “tag” questions (“. . . isn’t it?,”. . . don’t you think?”)
  • ask questions rather than give statements, even if they know an answer
  • use intonations that turn a statement into a question, or accompany their statements with smiles or averted eyes rather than more assertive gestures, such as pointing
  • apologize for their statements (“I may be wrong, but . . .”).

These discrepancies aren’t solely the product of the general environs of academia. They are, in fact, the product of societal and generational conditioning of gender roles and expectations.

If the Larry Nassar case is any indication, it appears we’re not only failing to teach our girls to use their voices, but we’re also failing to listen, when — against the odds — they actually do.

Rose McGowan is Storming Hollywood, and Bringing Fiery Hell with Her. I Love Her.

13 Friday Oct 2017

Posted by Christina-Marie in #ROSEARMY, bruce huntoon, Bystander Apathy, Rape Culture, Vision

≈ 2 Comments

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bruce huntoon

Rose McGowan isn’t messing around. Seriously.

She’s naming and shaming the Hollywood elite who knew about Harvey Weinstein’s abuse of women, and did nothing, said nothing, stopped nothing, stood for nothing.

You want to play let’s play #ROSEARMY pic.twitter.com/uqd26Z78gc

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 10, 2017

 

All of you Hollywood “A-list” golden boys are LIARS. We have just begun. #ROSEARMY pic.twitter.com/r5yPL2A3bC

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 10, 2017

 

Donna Karan you are a DEPLORABLE Aiding and abetting is a moral crime. You are scum in a fancy dress pic.twitter.com/Vze7lnpdvj

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 10, 2017

 

Hey @mattdamon what’s it like to be a spineless profiteer who stays silent? pic.twitter.com/rp0OrRrpqJ

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 9, 2017

 

Ben Affleck Casey Affleck, how’s your morning boys?

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 9, 2017

 

This is the girl that was hurt by a monster. This is who you are shaming with your silence. pic.twitter.com/TrtRNiYfIT

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 8, 2017

 

And, you know what? She’s absolutely right.

Anyone who knows about sexual abuse and chooses to stay silent is complicit.

Everyone who knew, had “been aware of vague rumors” (HELLO, Glenn Close), who chose not to hear survivors and victims because it might endanger their business dealings… all those people are complicit.

And it reminded me so very, very much of the acquaintance — an adult in the community when I was a child molested alongside my best friends by our teacher — who privately decried the actions of that teacher after I spoke out, adding, “Somehow, I always knew you were one of the kids affected.”

At first, I felt vindicated. Someone who was around during that time, as an adult observer, knew and believed what had happened to me, and kids like me.

And then… I got angry. I got right PISSED OFF.

How many other adults “always knew?” How many, like several who messaged me privately, “had heard rumors?” How many, like several others, “can’t stand him and what he’s done, but I have to keep the peace because my (insert associate/relative/business name) (does business/is friends) with him, now.”

Well, guess what?

If you knew, and didn’t speak up for children like me… YOU WERE COMPLICIT.

If you now know, and still choose to do business with Bruce Huntoon… YOU ARE COMPLICIT. You are endorsing him as a valued member of the community, IN SPITE OF the tattered trail of children he has hurt.

If you now know, and still choose to be “buddies” with Bruce Huntoon… YOU ARE COMPLICIT.

If you now know, and still choose to “go out on the boat” with Bruce Huntoon… YOU ARE COMPLICIT.

If you now know, and still choose to defend, support, or financially contribute to Bruce Huntoon in any way… YOU ARE COMPLICIT.

Harvey Weintstein put out this S.O.S. email to his colleagues and top Hollywood players:

My board is thinking of firing me. All I’m asking is let me take a leave of absence and get into heavy therapy and counseling whether it be in a facility or somewhere else. Allow me to resurrect myself with a second chance. A lot of the allegations are false, as you know, but given therapy and counseling as other people have done, I think I’d be able to get there. If you can, I need you to send a letter to my private Gmail. The letter would only go to the board and no one else. What the board is trying to do is not only wrong but might be illegal and would destroy the company. If you could write this letter backing me getting me the help and time away I need and also stating your opposition to the board firing me, It would help me a lot. I am desperate for your help. Just give me the time to get therapy. Do not let me get fired. If the industry supports me, that is all I need. With all due respect, I need the letter today.

Maybe… maybe… maybe if everyone “fires” Bruce Huntoon (business-wise, community-wise, support-wise), he, too, will be compelled to “get into heavy therapy.”

Maybe I’m dreaming, but if Hollywood can oust a man like Harvey Weinstein from his very powerful position, and say, “We won’t do business with you, any longer, Mr. Weinstein,” by just a few vocal individuals speaking out, why can’t a community — as a whole — oust a former teacher who’s had his credentials indefinitely revoked?

Why can’t that community loudly and vocally say, “We won’t do business with you, any longer, Mr. Huntoon,” and force him to humble himself to admit the truth?

Maybe, like Harvey Weintstein hopes, “given therapy and counseling as other people have done, I think I’d be able to get there.”

Maybe, he’d be able to “get there,” wherever “there” is. I hope “there” is where Bruce Huntoon faces his victims, admits what he has done, and takes full responsibility for the pain and trauma he has caused. I hope “there” is where Bruce Huntoon gets help and therapy for what is a very serious pattern of victimizing children.

Remember… I was not abused alone. In my case, at least, there were witnesses. My friends and I were witnesses to one another’s abuse. We told what we experienced and what we witnessed to the sheriff’s office, and we told what we experienced and what we witnessed to a pastor who knows Bruce Huntoon.

Can we stop, today? Can we stop being complicit?

The lives Harvey Weinstein has harmed are not insignificant to us, as a society. And they shouldn’t be. Some of our favorite stars are telling us they’ve been hurt by his actions.

Nor, I would hope, are the former children who have been harmed by Bruce Huntoon insignificant. They might just be some of your favorite real-life people. We are telling you we’ve been hurt by his actions.

Where do you stand?

 

About that Brock Turner Photo… It Matters, but Not Why You Think

15 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by Christina-Marie in Brock Turner, Justice, Rape Culture, Uncategorized

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Tags

Brock Turner, Rape Culture, re-victimization, statistics

I get, people. Really, I do.

You’re saying that news agencies and media outlets should stop using that All-American, professionally retouched, squeaky-clean head shot:

and use instead his glassy-eyed mugshot:

This booking photo released by the Santa Clara County Sheriff's Office shows Brock Turner, the former Stanford University swimmer who was sentenced last week to six months in jail and three years' probation for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman, January 2015.

I understand.

What you’re saying in your pleas is you want the public and the world to see him as he is now — a criminal. A rapist. An unapologetic one, at that.

And, as much as I understand that sentiment (I feel it, too! I really, really do!), I truly believe we need to see the polished, poised head shot.

Here’s why:

The guy who is going to rape or sexual assault most likely isn’t a creepy stranger. He’s most likely a guy you know, or think you know. He is — colloquially — the “boy next door.”

Three out of four sexual violence attacks are committed by someone known to the victim. It’s going to be a neighbor. A “friend.” A friend of a friend. A teacher. A family member. A classmate. A teammate. A guy you go on a date with. A guy you meet at a club and dance with all night.

See the second picture? The guy with the bloodshot, empty eyes? We know to stay away from that guy, or to at least have our guards up. If he’s a stranger — someone you have never had any contact with — if you are going to be raped, there is only a 25% chance that stranger will be the one to rape you.

25% sounds like pretty lousy odds… I know. But, here’s the thing: If we are to believe findings that  18% of women in the U.S. have been raped (a figure which I personally think to be on the low side… I’d wager it’s closer to 35% or more, but I’m not a researcher), it means that 25% of that 18% — or 4.5% — of women are raped by strangers.

That first picture? He’s the guy to be smart about. He’s the guy who might literally try to charm the pants off you, and take aggressive action when he fails. He is the guy who we need to educate against, most aggressively. He is the guy who is tricky, because gosh darn it… he seems like such a nice guy. No one could ever imagine him hurting anyone!

Here’s what I know, from personal experience:

There is no mugshot of the man who sexually abused me as a child. There are, however, years’ worth of professionally-shot portraits of him in my school’s annuals.

The guy who raped me when I was 14 was a friend of a friend, firmly within my circle of acquaintances, and someone I felt comfortable being around. I didn’t feel like I had to have my guard up that night. If anything, I thought he would be someone who would protect me if anyone else tried to hurt me.

I placed my trust in the wrong guy.

When I was raped in college, it was under almost identical circumstances.

When I was drugged and woke up in a hospital, I’d been reportedly poured into a cab by the two businessmen I’d met earlier at a cafe where I’d had a cup of coffee and a sandwich. We’d spent a good deal of time talking about our work, and making small talk. I don’t remember leaving the cafe. Were we friends? No. Acquaintances? Not really. Does this fall under “stranger assault?” Probably. I don’t know if I was assaulted or raped. The hospital didn’t perform a rape kit or toxicology screen, insisting I’d become unconscious due to self-induced intoxication.

Why do I share, and re-share those experiences? Because I need you to understand a few things:

  1. Most of the abuse/rape/assaults I’ve lived have been at the hands of people I knew and trusted.
  2. Early abuse and rape increases the chances of being re-victimized later in life by a huge margin. HUGE.  Studies suggest that sexual victimization in childhood or adolescence increases the likelihood of sexual victimization in adulthood between 2 and 13.7 times. 
  3. The people who violated me looked far more like that first photo of Brock Turner than the second one. Far more. Squeaky-clean, All-American, guy-next-door people.

 

When we get riled and cry out because the world needs to see Brock Turner as the rapist he is, and to do so we must see his mug shot, we are missing the mark. He is just as much a rapist in his suit and tie with a smile as he is in his white hoodie with vacant eyes.

When I chose to sit at the group table in the cafe, alone, I chose the table with the guys in business suits because they seemed more put together and respectable — more trustworthy — than the scroungy guys at some of the other tables with seats available. I thought I was making the safe choice. You know what, though?

Bad guys — scary guys, guys who drug your coffee and take you to hotel rooms — wear suits, too.

Until things change in the world… Until all humans learn, believe, and live the principles that a) consent is mandatory, b) other people’s bodies are not an entitlement to someone else, c) children cannot provide consent, persons with diminished capacity may not be able to provide consent, and persons who are incapacitated are incapable of providing consent, d) rape is an act of violence, and e) perpetrators are 100% responsible and accountable for their acts of violence…

Until then… We need to be on guard.

I’m just as tired of the victim-blaming rape culture as you are. It’s not okay to tell victims they shouldn’t have been drinking, or walking alone, or accepting rides from guys they barely know, or… or… or…

But still, we need to be vigilant.

We need to be smart, and we need to be realistic. It is not succumbing to rape culture to keep our wits about us. It is not succumbing to rape culture to learn to defend ourselves. It is not succumbing to rape culture to listen to the small alarm bells in our minds, rather than dismissing them.

None of that is succumbing to rape culture. All of those things are empowering, and powerful.

When those things fail, and the unthinkable happens, it is kicking rape culture in the balls to speak out, and to refuse to accept any of the victim-blaming rhetoric.

This blog, this re-telling, this journaling, this vulnerability… it’s me, kicking rape culture square in the balls.

 

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